Bali: I Went, I Saw, I Barely Survived

29 May

As Aussies, we all have those friends.
The ones who are so hyped for Bali.

They go there all the time.
They have the same driver.
The same nanny for their kids.
And they are more than happy to tell you—repeatedly—how beautiful the beaches are.

For years, all I heard was:
“Bali. Bali. Bali.”

So… I did it.
I booked a 7-day trip to Bali and was honestly surprised at how little it was going to cost.

Booking & Flights

We used our favourite online travel agent, Travel Online, because they put everything together for you—flights, accommodation, transfers. You can add excursions if you want, and they even throw in a few freebies on arrival. Easy. No stress. Love that.

We flew with the Indonesian airline Batik Air and figured as long as it stayed in the air and landed in one piece, we’d be fine for the 5.5-hour flight.

To be honest, it was a no-frills airline with basic Indonesian curry meals that actually did the job nicely. The cabin crew were friendly, spoke great English, and were helpful when needed. We were quite happy with the flight… after all, we were headed to paradise.

Where We Stayed

My partner and I spent 7 days in Seminyak at the beautiful Tony’s Villas & Resort, staying in a private pool villa.

Now, like most accommodations in Bali, getting there involved a dark, dingy, lonely walk down a narrow back alley, filled with thoughts like:

“Have I made a terrible mistake?”
“Did I book this properly?”
“Am I about to end up in a ditch?”
“Is this where that famous boogie boarder lived for years?”

But… once we reached the end of the 50-metre bamboo- and brick-lined driveway, we were beyond relieved to find the most incredible resort waiting for us.

The resort is split into zones:

Three-storey hotel-style rooms to the left with two pools close together
Private pool villas to the right
Standalone villas further back, behind the restaurant

The restaurant is surrounded by the most amazing koi fish pond, which quickly became my favourite place to visit every morning. One day I was lucky enough to feed the fish, and honestly, it healed my inner child.

The Restaurant

The restaurant, Dong Oman Cultural Dining, is an open-air space with ceiling fans. Breakfast was included and served à la carte, alongside a continental buffet with local fruits, cereal, toast, and pastries.

My favourite breakfast—well, anytime meal—was the authentic mie goreng. Chef’s kiss. Followed closely by the duck.

We made it our mission to try almost everything on the menu because… when in Bali.

The service and food were a solid 10/10. I genuinely cannot fault the resort in any way. It was, as they say, heaven.

Then We Walked Outside…

And instantly realised Bali was not going to be our place.

Not even three steps out of the driveway and we were ambushed by drivers, salespeople, and what appeared to be absolutely no road rules.

If I ever hear:

“You want bike, bike?”
“Come get Bintang shirt, you love Bintang”
“Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi”

again… I may cry.

And a quick PSA: if someone offers you a free luxury holiday but first makes you do a scratchie and meet them in an alley for

your prize—please stay away. You do not win. Ever.

The Spa: Unexpectedly Elite

Frangipani Spa WOW.

Between us, my partner and I had three treatments each:

2 couples massages – $60
1 facial – $20
1 hot stone massage – $35
1 back massage – $11

The spa itself was basic, but the treatments absolutely were not. The lovely spa technicians were gentle when asked and strong when needed. Who knew such small, dainty women could pack such a punch and find muscles you didn’t even know existed?

I would have lived there if I didn’t have other plans.

Shopping: Enter the Chaos

Shopping was exactly as expected: lots of the same stuff, no prices, hovering, and following.

It’s distracting. It’s confronting. And I learned very quickly to never buy the first bag you see—because it will be cheaper somewhere else.

My tip: find a fixed-price store. They’re usually cheaper, don’t push you, let you browse, and will actually help you find what you’re looking for.

My favourite fixed-price shop for bags, wallets, and sports tops:
James’s Collection, Garlic Lane, Legian.

Also—pharmacies. Absolute gold. Cheap skincare heaven. I did my research and came home with so much. This honestly deserves its own blog post.

Let’s Get Real

This might upset some Bali lovers, but inner-city Bali is just not my cup of tea.

Legian. Seminyak. Kuta.
Dirty. Smelly. Horrible roads. Dangerous footpaths (if you can even call them footpaths). And the beaches were… honestly gross.

Leaving out the shopping, I’d rate inner Bali areas 2/10.
This is purely my personal take—don’t come for me.

Where Bali Finally Won Me Over

Once we left the inner regions and headed to Ubud and Nusa Penida, it was a completely different story.

Ubud’s stunning rice fields, rainforests, and calm vibes? Beautiful.
Nusa Penida’s coastal landscapes and breathtaking ocean views? Unreal.

That’s where my heart was.

The Adventures

We did the must-do Bali adventures:

Surya Bintang Adventures

River rafting in Ubud – loved it. Waterfalls, monitor lizards, great banter from our guide, and an awesome couple from Las Vegas we got chatting with.
Quad biking – absolutely not.

Turns out I do not love quad biking in the rain, through mud, up steep hills, and across rivers. My partner (an experienced road and dirt motorbike rider) thought it was fine—just “not fast enough.”

I, however, almost died about 30 times and rode the brakes like they personally offended me. See pic.

Day Five: The Betrayal

By day five of our seven-day break, we were still confused about how we felt about Bali… and then Bali made us feel it.

I woke up feeling off. You know, the usual for someone in their late 30s. Thought maybe I’d skip milk in my coffee.

It was not the milk.

It was Bali Belly.

I’ll spare the details, but at one point both a toilet and a bin were involved simultaneously. As someone who isn’t religious, I almost found Jesus.

After six hours, I admitted defeat and called a doctor.

For $260 AUD (cheaper than a vet bill in Australia):

Two saline drips
Antibiotics
A week’s worth of medication
All done within two hours

I wasn’t magically better, but I did stop expelling from the mouth. I cannot recommend enough that you don’t try to push through—just call the doctor straight away.

What We Missed

We missed Bali Zoo because of this, but that’s okay. I’m alive to tell the story, and I didn’t defecate on an elephant.

Final Thoughts

Once we were home and I could hold a conversation again, we debriefed.

Would we go back? Maybe, but not for a while.
Was it worth the money? Yes.
Would we take the kids? Only if we stayed in the resort and never left.

What We’d Do Differently